24 August, 2012

And the card attached would say... does this card smell funny?

I am  someone who once weighed over 350 pounds, and it should come as no surprise to you that I haven't spent a lot of time hungry. Or with an empty stomach, if that's different from hunger. I used to not even be able to tell that I was full, but eventually I figured that out. Which is kind of an exaggeration, because I didn't figure it out. There was no exploration and revelation or rational sleuthing involved... just one day, I overate, and for a change I felt icky instead of pleasantly numbed.

I wasn't trying to feel pleasantly numbed or anything by overeating... although come to think of it, 'trying' is totally the wrong verb. I mean, I did used to have an irrational fear of malnutrition, but I wasn't 'trying' to 'correct' the 'malnourishment' with lots of food. I was way more of a thoughtless eater. No agenda.

What I'm trying to get at, instead of 'oops, I ate it again' commentary, is that hunger is a surprise to me, now that I don't overeat as regularly. I'm totally not used to it, and if I still had pleasantly numbed as an option, I'd probably pick that, because 'hungry', if that's what it is, is totally a drag.

But it's totally normal, and while I do have to do something about it, at least two or three times a day, I plan to figure out how sit with it without thinking I have to get up and do something about it.

It's totally late at night as I write this, and I am hungry, but I was just reading this great book by Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess ("Let's Pretend This Never Happened"), and I wanted to do a book review about that time that the goat went and slept in my parent's bed, and not because my sister and I pranked them. We were innocent! We didn't even leave the front door open!

But you don't do a book review about that time the goat waltzed into your home, right? I mean, it wasn't even in the book! Though there were goats in the house in Jenny's book, and god bless her for it, if there is a god.

And I'm too tired right now to tell a coherent story, which is a real pity because I've got some doozies. So I'll just go for my traditional abrupt ending with additional non-sequitur cliff hanger. (I know, it is cruel. Sorry.)

And just end with




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