03 October, 2011

Facing Future and Rob Brezsny and my own psychic powers

This is today's open letter to the universe:

TO: beautyandtruth@freewillastrology.com
Subject: Cry for help

"... you need to call on some unusual and idiosyncratic and possibly even farfetched resources as you intensify your efforts to solve the puzzles that are spread out before you." -quote from the horoscope for my sign, this week.

Can you give me a list? I promise to grasp at straws not even suggested implicitly.


Israel Kamakawiwo╩╗ole was PURE GENIUS. And a tragic figure. And Adam Sandler, or some other guy, totally deserves a cupcake, as a great song by Israel was set to the closing credits of the movie 50 First Dates, which I have probably seen more than 50 times. But Adam Sandler is getting a blog post all to himself someday, so I'm yanking that virtual cupcake right back, and passing it over to Rob Brezsny, who actually helped me, you know, today.

I bought Iz's album, Facing Future, just to own a copy of that song.

I'm not a big fan of Astrology, really. Rob does it better than anybody, because at least he does not pretend his inspiration comes from the workings of gravity and the other physical forces operating on the universe. Where his inspiration comes from, he does not pretend to know. And he doesn't seem to care. Nor do I.

I came across this week's horoscope because a friend of mine frequently accuses Rob of rifling through her backpack or spying on her in order to gain insight in how to help her most with his weekly advice. I know just how she feels! I just don't actually check my own unless she puts hers out for everyone else to read. And thank you, friend!

Rob wrote a book called Pronoia, which I totally have never read, but have always been intrigued by. It's about having a conviction that the world is actually out to get you... so that it can make everything better. As in, don't worry, be happy! (Man, I love that guy too. I swear, I am not actually high!)

I am almost willing to take this advice. I still have a terribly bad habit of worrying. And I can worry in secret from my own consciousness! I am actually asking for help with this, and even though I am not sure what someone else can offer me, I already do feel much better. It's like the Placebo effect, without drugs. ha ha ha.

But anyway, the helpfulness of his advice I have always put down to the helpfulness and perspicacity displayed by almost every other horoscope ever, no matter what 'sign' they purport to be dedicated to. This apparent sagacity can totally be explained if you consider that most people have the same problems as everyone else, and usually a lot of the same experiences. You have to try really hard to buck the tide!

Since my first problem was depression, and not anxiety, I have not been trying very hard.

But the tide is turning, and I am totally ready to surf that wave.

And now I will describe my formerly perplexing problem. Or Psychic Power.

People keep giving me cars. I am absolutely not complaining! For the first time in my life, bewildered or not, I am ready to fully endorse this behavior. Bring it on!

I don't know if I posted about this already, and I'm not going to browse through my 70+ blog post to avoid repeating myself. Sorry if I'm boring you. I'll try a short story format, for variety.

All those free cars. By Clarica.

When I was 18, my mothers first ex-husband gave me a car! I did not have a driver's license yet, and he thought it would encourage me to get one. He was wrong.

I sold to the car to one of his other daughters, for cash. Yay money! Sorry you crashed it.

When I was older, one of the other guys accused of acting as my progenitor gave me my second car. I loved this car. It got EXCELLENT gas mileage, could hold a gazillion boxes, and seemed like it might last forever. It didn't smell that bad, either! Eventually, some guy failed to yield, and broke my true love.

The insurance company gave me a check, and I bought another car just like it, and less smelly, but not as good. It did not seem like it would last forever, and I gave it to a friend of my sister.

Soon afterward, one of my honorary aunties gave me my third car. I loved this car too! It had cruise control, better insulation, and a better stereo. The gas mileage was decent, but not as miraculous as the second car.

Eventually I began to worry that it was about to die. I couldn't decide what to do with it. I parked it in what I thought was my back yard, and ignored it for around 5 months. BIG MISTAKE.

One of my other dear friends heard I was planning to bus it, and offered me a car from her dad. So far, this car has worked out well for me. I drove it for a short while, and then didn't feel safe to drive anymore because I developed terrible insomnia. I gave it to my sister in lieu of rent. She got her pick, this fourth car or car number three, and considering which one is still running, she chose wisely. It solved every problem I imagined it would, and and and. Yay!

The end.

Now, I feel like getting so many cars without paying for the value is pretty unusual. I was even employed while I had the middle two cars, and I can not put my finger on any value I provided that in any way compares to the value of the cars. Seriously!

I had begun to joke that my psychic power was letting people know I would appreciate handling the cars that they sort of want help getting rid of. Which is totally true, but not what you would call a desire.

Just be advised, I have obviously not ever cared enough about getting a car to actually pay for one with the money I earned. And I definitely could have afforded to.

The last car is obviously charity, and I don't mind, because I totally need help.

I now know how to deal with a free car I am not sure I want enough to pay for now! I have the experience necessary to handle this challenge, and this is exactly my plan:

  1. Decide if I want the car to run errands. Driving is way more convenient than public transportation, in my region. And WAY easier than biking. If so, I'll drive it until I don't know if I want to anymore. Then try this:
  2. Try to sell the car local to the car's location. I'll probably use craigslist. That's where I bought the replacement second car. If that doesn't work:
  3. Exchange it for a check from the fine people of JunkMyCar.com, or something similar.

And with the money, I plan to:

A) Pay my bills. Full disclosure: I will get a few new bills if this works out well for me! Like rent.

B) Help someone else pay their bills. If they write up a budget every month. This is called paying it forward, but in practice it may start as paying it back. Ahem.

Budgeting is totally my other favorite thing! I don't care about the Deficit, but unplanned personal debt is a tragedy. More on budgets in a future post.

C) Do something awesome, or find somebody else who needs money to do something awesome. Technically, I'm pretty sure anything I think qualifies under A) or B) is already pretty awesome, but I do think that after we solve some of the evils of poverty, we should totally find something else awesome to do with our money. There's already an awesome foundation that probably totally agrees, and has this third thing as their mandate.

And they are awesome.

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