15 September, 2011

Low ambition

I'm very groggy right now. I have an appointment next week to talk to my dr. about insomnia. Which I will go to even if I sleep like a baby every night between then and now. It's not even a full week, 6 days is not a cure.

I don't expect anything in particular. I don't have the brain power to think of anything else to try. The Warrior Sleep program from Steve Barnes helps me get more out of my limited sleep.

But not really enough, if I don't feel safe to drive. Which I don't.

I keep having funny ideas that will probably seem lame tomorrow. But I don't have the... the... um... oh yeah. The ability to concentrate. And follow through on them.

BUT, instead of feeling tense and jittery and tired, I have slid into droopy and floppy and tired.

I still don't fall asleep when I lie down quietly for 10 minutes, but it's not exactly a darkened room, and I can't keep my eyes shut.

And it's a way more pleasant attempt to sleep than tense and jittery. It's actually still a bit jittery. But kind of out on the edges, instead of DEEP INSIDE TRYING TO GET OUT.

And every now and then I sit, still, for 3 to five moments. Peacefully. For a change. VERY nice. Nice change. Change. Spare Change. Real Change. Real Genius. Real.

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