God Causes Cancer

I am an agnostic. I do believe in God. I was a better agnostic for about 35 years--I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God before that time. But one day I decided, this stuff is just so fabulous, that it even has happened, I’m willing to believe in a creator. It was a little more than that, or maybe a little less, but that’s the upshot--I believe in God.

I don’t really think that God cares what I do or think. I don’t even know if I think God is eternal, maybe he finished up and moved onto heaven, the place you go after you die. (I don’t know if I believe in heaven either.) I do not really think he has passed special information about what I should be doing or thinking onto any specific individuals now living or previously deceased. He might have, he might not. So far, I’m not buying it.

So anyway, God’s the creator, cancer exists, God causes cancer. It’s not a big leap, but it’s not what I’m getting at.

My belief in God and my brother being diagnosed with cancer are very closely related in time. It is probably not true, but I feel like once I gave in and believed in God, he decided to kill my brother. Just to see if I really meant it.

I really do. 

I am not a militant agnostic. Sure, I believe, but I don’t know. Neither do you, but I’m not going to get a group of like-minded individuals together to go knocking on doors. There will be no witnessing, no apostles, no prostelyzing. (It’s hard to organize a group of people who agree that they “don’t know about god”, surely, to hang out together in the first place. Maybe if I were doing that we would start evangelizing or whatever you would call it. agnostifying?)

I am an agnostic. I do believe in God. But I don’t know, and neither do you.