I liked my last PSA for hand washing that I wrote another, at the suggestion of a friend, that targets men instead of women. It would probably be better if I knew the audience better, of course. Kudos, by the way, to the people who made the swamp-ass PSA starring Nathan Fillion. I’m sure you’re an inspiration to me, even though I didn’t listen to it till after I wrote one or both of these scripts.
1. Dive right in. Some gamers are sitting around chatting. They have whatever they need to game on the table in front of them, showing on-camera. What kind of gamers are we talking? DandD? Video? Larp?
Doofus: I heard it was developed by this unemployed chick from MicroSoft.
Smartypants (annoyed): That doesn’t even make any sense--if you’re from MicroSoft YOU HAVE A JOB.
Doofus: Maybe it was near MicroSoft. Someone really ought to tell Stinky.
Mopey: It doesn’t even work!
Smartypants and Doofus: CAN YOU COUNT?
2. Introduction. Establishing shot: Slow motion handwashing.
VOICEOVER: They say you should wash your hands for twenty or thirty seconds EVERY TIME. Even if your hands don't stink. Try that washing on something that does--join the PIT CLEANSE movement.
3. Back to gamer chat. Maybe they’re picking up the conversation later, at a Con, waiting in line. For William Shatner? Or Nathan Fillion? Poster of Nathan Fillion, with an arrow?
Smartypants: And it’s not like a miracle cure. Seriously? Some guys need backup, and some guys like cologne. You know that professional athletes have been doing it for years. [to Doofus] Seriously, when do you think this was invented?
Mopey: My skin is sensitive, antipersperant gave me a rash and deodorant usually triggers my allergies. Do you think my pits stink? [They Nod Seriously] Dillweeds! Is there any way to get a serious answer to that? [they laugh] But I agree with you, if it works on Stinky, it’s the smart thing to do. Does he even know how bad he smells?
Doofus: Of course, it only works if you’re willing to wash in the first place.
[they all snicker. Maybe Mopey sighs.]
Establishing shot: sexy woman, soaping and scrubbing the pit area. (from the back) Music: Twinkle twinkle little star, crossed with some boom shaka wow wow. Or is that Boom shicka boom boom?
Voiceover: Try Pit Cleanse. It’s easy. It works. Lather and scrub your armpits for about 30 seconds. That’s it. This woman isn’t even finished yet, and now you know what to do. Enjoy the next 15 seconds. without this annoying voiceover.
Establishing shot: Person in a Lab/dr coat, talking directly at the camera?
Person who looks trustworthy and smart: Pit Cleanse is safe, and usually effective, and recommended for those with sensitive skin or allergies! You can hum a few bars of the ABC song, right? What’s stopping you?--we’ll all appreciate the effort, even if it doesn’t remove all the stink.
Establishing shot: sweaty man, running or leaping or fighting with a sword or something.
Voiceover: Pit Cleanse-- because fresh sweat is way better than stank.