The Tantrum

I have a lot of patience. Most of the time, I take whatever time I need to figure out how to get what I want, in a way I can be proud of. And it takes a long, long, time. Because I do it the hard way.

And I am usually patient with others, because I want them to be more willing to forgive my flaws than they are their own.

And you know what? They are forgiving of me. Very.

In fact, I am not actually patient. I am just hunting from a blind. I am totally poised to strike.

I am too impatient with my own flaws to learn the second easiest, quickest, bestest way. Through practice. I had to teach my whole mind English, so I can think in English, before I was willing to write in English. And the human spirit? Not that fluent in speech.

Until now.

I totally don't recommend it. Until it gets better, and you and I can feel like we can take a break from solving problems. Which we never can. Because the human spirit? Problem Solver.

And if it can't find a problem, it will cause a problem.

But I have digressed. I totally have a wicked temper, but I control that beast, because I am so sensitive, I can not tolerate much self-abuse at once. And any temper you see in someone else? Probably a tenth of what they give themselves. Rolled up with a whole big shebang of frustration, which may be the same as temper, and it may not.

And I have gained insight into the tantrum, my friends, because so many of you that I know had children three or four years ago. And they are absolute gems.

And now they are totally working every tool they've ever learned, as often as they work.

Tantrums start as internal frustrations expressed externally, but they can totally turn into manipulation. Because they can totally work. Even far far far too late into life. As long as they are sincere, or artless. Fairly infrequent. And not conscious manipulation.

People (and children) who have tantrums have things that they want. And they do not have Jedi Powers. So they must find a solution.

But first they beat themselves up a little bit. This is the crying. The "I am so disappointed in my toolbox of solutions and innovative capabilities that I have nothing left to try, and I want something different than what is going on right now, and I am beat" cry.

Which is totally the type of crying I do, most of the time. Which is not a lot, these days. But any that you end up doing in public? As a supposed adult? Embarrassing.

But it works. Because just like for little kids, people hate to see me cry. And they try to solve my problems for me, which I have been discouraging, as sweetly as I can. Mostly by never crying in public. Because I need to learn better solutions out on the very edge of my comfort zone, all the time.

So I can catch up with the rest of you freaks and act like a normal person, naturally. ha ha ha.

Not that I will bother. Because I figured out that all my envy? Wasted.

Because I am totally willing to let my own freak flag fly.

And thank you, and you, and you for showing yours, so I could learn by example.